Secondary school.
It seems like a distant memory now. Six years ago. What I remember most is not knowing what I wanted to do with my academic career. All around me, my friends were sharing their aspirations for the future and all I could think about was what countries I wanted to visit rather than college applications. Anything but that!
I had absolutely no interest in going back into a learning environment. So I decided to get a job, save all my money and go travelling. ‘This is it!’ I thought. Then the recession hit.
So I did a few courses to keep me occupied until something came up. I am not wealthy. I don’t come from a wealthy background. I’ve supported myself since I was old enough to work. I put myself through college because my parents just couldn’t afford it.
So when I couldn’t find work in my hometown, I was faced with one of those crossroad decisions. I started travelling everyday to the city in search of a job with my best friend and it all paid off. I found a job and an apartment and left my family and friends behind.
Every month I would save and every month something happened that I would have to spend the money on. I lost my job and spent a few weeks on a friends couch living off my savings. Back to square one..again!
I found a new job. I get paid minimum wage and get paid monthly. It’s now April and I’m still broke from Christmas but I’m trying (failing) to get back on track.
So far this year I’ve had surgery, hundreds of visits to the doctor / hospital, spent a fortune on medication resulting me being out of work for six weeks, which doesn’t fair well when your employers don’t pay for sick leave and you’re not entitled to any benefits (thank god my landlord is so understanding)
So I’ve finally returned to work and now have to wait another month to get paid.
I woke up this morning thinking the usual, ‘I need to catch a break! Why can’t I catch a break?’ And then I thought to myself, ‘just get on a boat and run! No one will ever find you!’ But you can’t run away can you?
There’s always someone on the other side of my door pushing against it so I can’t fucking open it. Is this it like? Is this my life? Going paycheck to paycheck not living at all. Or does ,everything happen for a reason? Am I not supposed to go? Is there a reason I’m supposed to stay here? The ‘beauty reviews’ thing is taking off nicely and seems to be doing well. Do I stick with it? Or do I make the big move? Who knows? I don’t. I’ll figure it out someday.
Peace, love & unicorns!
N x
justabeautyaddict 